Garry’s Got to Go: The Art of Efficient, Legal Backfire-Proof Firing

Legal Adviser January 7, 2016
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employment lawyersIt is all in the numbers for the modern employer. Customers have satisfaction. Employees have a salary. Bosses have numbers. They need to turn every single business digit into an upwards-pointing line. In a vacuum, numbers are the only metric of success an employer has. This is why monitoring a business evolved into the definition of running it. Like a train running at full speed, the conductor needs to inspect and maintain every aspect of the trip. Relaying every detail to the rest of the crew is cardinal in the systematic contri—Garry! Stop sticking your head out the window!

Garry’s got to go. You have to handle this one yourself. Do not worry; this will be simple as long as you follow these instructions:

1. Tell Garry what is wrong. Some conductors fail as early as the first step, causing what we call ‘zombie employees’. You may terminate them, but they will return more vicious and hungry. Even if your lawyer beats theirs, it is a large hassle having to do the rebuffing twice. If the zombie does manage to sneak in a bite, higher-ups (if any) would likely consider offing you too, with no chance of reanimation.

2. Let Garry explain. If Garry has a reasonable excuse for leaving his post as your Second man, then you had better hear it. For example, his family may be ye—No, no never mind. He just wants to feel the wind on his face.

3. Warn him. Some people just need a little push in the right direction, not to the nearest exit. If you want to avoid an unfair dismissal charge, use the oldest trick in the book. A verbal notice is usually enough to stop unproductive behaviour, just take a bit of time to observe Garry get into a new groove. Give him a couple of written warnings if the negative behaviour continues. The last one should explicitly state termination as punishment for any subsequent lapses.

4. Let the facts shape the decision. Yep. We gave Garry the final written warning too. Regardless of your fondness of Garry, termination mustalways be objective and justified. It will not sit well with the rest of the crew if final warnings lose their meaning. Garry is off at the next stop, and your opinion should not change anything.

5. Check for redundancies. Do you really need a Second man? Simplify the termination process by checking if the job position itself is no longer required. If not, check for deficiencies. The numbers are your friends; they will help you make this affair as painless as possible.

6. Equip yourself. Go through Garry’s contract one more time, or have your lawyers digest the fine print for you. Either way, you do not want any exit snags, especially one in print. Employment lawyers from I.R. Thompson Associates Ltd advise that you exhaust all points of contention to make sure you leave the next station with everything but Garry intact.

With Garry gone, and Larry here to take his place, be sure that the new contract is a sound piece of legal work. Running a train is hard, but informing people of an unexpected layover is even harder. But, you have to—since you are the only one who can see where this train is headed.

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